Part of me is aching for a more dramatic change. I'm getting tired of where I am, physically and emotionally, and want to move on. My circumstance mean that I have to wait for this, and my social life is going to dictate when that is. But that situation is hardly ideal. I'm aware that getting close to people who aren't here long is always difficult in the medium term, and I'm aware it'll affect me badly come this Summer, but for the most part I'm happy with the arrangement. What I am scared of is if I make this a habit over my lifetime, and whether I am willing to put the effort into keeping things away from temporaryism.
While I maintain contact with old friends, there's only one person I really feel like putting effort into seeing, and due to circumstances, that's pretty much impossible. And when I say that there's only one, I mean there's only one in my entire life. Despite my perceived closeness during the friendship, time has shown that there is only one person that affected me enough so that I think of her almost every day.
I also have the curse over confusion over what I want. I know it wouldn't be worth changing for someone, but it's always tempting. I find out how I feel in three days. Sorry of that seems vague. But all these insecurities and mixed emotions have made me irritable all day, and I really need a release. And there were too many cars around and it was too wet for me to get that on the roads. I did, however, own a Focus when he tried to race me.
Dan went to America again. I drove him to Gatwick. He might be going for good at some point, and I can't say I blame him. The quality of life available to me here is very high, but I am in need of a change, and locale is the thing I'd change first.
I have spent a few days listening to songs I used to listen to when I was much younger. The whole opportunity to recapture my youth through generic but identifiable punk rock is too tempting to miss. Certain songs have really begun to stick to ideas of people, even though we've never listened to them together. I haven't played my keyboard in a while, mainly because my laptop just isn't powerful enough to give me smooth notes. I need to fix my desktop.
Alyssa has been away in Europe for ages. She's missed out on so much drama and so many parties. I raced the the streets of London at vastly illegal speeds getting Holborn to take a friend to hospital. While hospital is never a fun experience, the drive there was very eventful. I managed Wimbledon to Holborn in about 18 minutes. And that was with some bum traffic lights.
I had a fun evening at Jacia's the other night. I don't go there often, but it's always a good time when I do. We intended to watch The Princess Bride (which I still haven't seen), but we were sidetracked by chatting until two in the morning. The next night, I met up with Dan Cant for the first time in a while. With some default passwords and some found USB drives, we managed to install a Guitar Hero clone on one of the PCs at the Wired Café on campus.
That passed some time before I collected Lisa and Tasha from central London. I feel like I've been driving into and through London so often. It was only a week and a bit ago that I drove Alyssa and her friends to Stanstead. When I got Lisa home, she made us food and we played Top Trumps and tried out my new tripod. It was a strange evening, but it was good to talk with people again.
But today, like most of the last week, has been rather eventless. Aside from driving Becky around, I didn't achieve much apart from downloading two episodes of Lost. I have been quite good in resisting watching them, but I don't know how long I can withstand the temptation.
I thought of a joke in court the other day. "My friend shot a coke machine. That was bang out-of-order.". I wouldn't have pegged this for a Friday night.
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